he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
