Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
