College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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