I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
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I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
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I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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