I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
