i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
