is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
