pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
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