He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
