The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
