My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
