Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
