I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
