I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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