He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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