Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
