she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
