Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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