She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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