What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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