There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
