1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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