im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
