Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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