apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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