What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
