Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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