Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
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he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
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Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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