Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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