the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
