he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
