god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
