I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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