Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
