I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
