Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
