I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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