sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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