sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Randomize
