I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
