I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
