When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
