first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
