He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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