I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
