I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
