She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
