so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I have tasted many bathrooms
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
