she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
