woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I know her cup size but not her name....
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
