fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
