hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
