Cold hands, warm shart.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
