Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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