Need sex. Gaining weight.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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