I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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