you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
