So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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