You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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