I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
