Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
