so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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