Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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