i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
