dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
