I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
