I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
