You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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