Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
