One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You pole danced in your parka.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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