Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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