New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize