I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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