____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
