THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
