Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
